Dave & Hils unofficial tour guide

Cyprus - As you can see been there quite a few times, love the place even eat the food. Sun shines all year round and the pace of life is perfect. Paphos is a more mature type resort, Protaras the family resort with the best of the beaches, Agia Napa's is a clubbers paradise. Limassol is main port area where you can take short cruises to various locations like Jerusalem, Egypt, etc.
 
 Canary Islands - Wonderful collection of Spanish islands off the West African coast. Gran Canaria Lovely place but very resort based. Tenerife the Blackpool island, large hotels on virtually every acre of its coastline, lively yes but not much else, muggers, dippers, thief’s of all ages makes it feel less of a holiday and more of an endurance, if you do fancy it make sure you pick a good hotel to retreat into. Fuerteventura beachers paradise but the North end is mirroring Tenerife by turning into the worst of British seaside resorts, best head for the South end as its not as popular with the Brit brat pack and has retained some normality. One last thing don’t be surprised to find naked sun worshipers, don’t be intimidated by there peacock type parades. They do it to embarrass you into leaving them with exclusive use of the better beaches.
 
 Menorca - Only 2 hour flight I think this is the jewel in the Spanish holiday islands, being rescued by the Brits in years past from French invasion the locals still feel very friendly towards us. You will be surprised how many speak English. Its very much a family, couples location and has no club culture or resorts, so the young yob element don’t visit. Few things to see and just enough to do while on holiday.

 Ibiza - Only 2 hour flight I enjoyed this island it has a good selection of family resorts set in sandy bays. Unfortunately the club scene in San Antonio attracts all wrong type of headlines, so stay away from there and you will have a loverly time and enjoy everything this island has to offer.
 
 Crete - Great place, some brilliant hotels, lovely people. We stayed at the Cretan Malia Park hotel,situated in a quiet location directly on the sandy beach, just a 20min stroll away from the centre of Malia. Colourful gardens with every type of local plant and tree, from cacti to palms the hotel feels distinctly tropical and exotic. A complete contrast to Malia itself, which relies on the 18-30 crew and all the grief they bring. Still it was nice to slum occasionally and have a MacD’s meal and have a relaxed break from the hotel restaurant. Large island which needs more than one visit to fully say you know it.
 
 Caribbean - Whistle stop cruise 11 islands in 14 nights, almost every morning arriving at a different island to spend the day at. Only 2 complete days at sea one each week. Its best travailing from Barbados as you only have single weekly sea days. But beware cruises attract old gits, even when they are marketed for couples & families who want an active holidays. They moan about anything and everything always comparing it to cruises past. Personally one of the attractions was the idea of the informal cruise, no dressing up in penguin suits, no meet the captain diners etc etc. The highlights was St Lucia where we spent the day at the Sandles resort, St Kitts on the scenic railway, St Maarten for shopping, Antigua for the people and lifestyle, Tortola was amazing. Our best day was spent on a schooner sailing around some of the smaller Grenadine islands, absolutely fantastic white beaches & blue seas washed down with plenty of rum. Life at sea was not a trauma but I suffered badly from motion sickness when I returned home, everything kept moving as I was walking. The ship had 14 decks above seal level so was somewhat a lump, only the American ships where bigger, food available 24\7, entertainment was excellent, cabins had all the home comforts and it was unbelievable seeing the flying fish from our cabin widow which was near the bow on the 10th floor deck. Part of our daily routine became raising a glass and saying goodbye from the top deck as our ship slipped away each night. This caused mixed emotions as you were sometimes sorry to leave but still looking forward to tomorrows stop.

Islands visited during the crusie- Bonaire, Margarita, Grenada, St Lucia, Dominica, Barbados, Tortola (Virgin Is), St Maarten, St Kitts, Antigua, & Mayreau (Grenadines)
 
 Mexico - Resort we stayed at was called Playacar which is about 35 miles down the coast from Cancun where the main airport resides, flight time is just over 10 hours. The airport arrival system has to be experienced before you can fully appreciate it, we spent 3 hours getting through passport\immigration & baggage control etc before starting our holiday. They have a rather quaint traffic light system which allegedly determines if your baggage is searched, except a resulting green light means nothing. Anyway once away via the coach transfer it soon becomes apparent that the locals lead a very basic life, poverty is seen everywhere outside of the artificial hotel zones. Once at the hotel zone you notice American college kids flooding the place during spring\summer break time, they tend to be very drunk and noisy on occasions. Security is seen everywhere and is not a sign of crime rates but is more of a case of protecting the only real source of income (tourist). I found the Mexican people I came in contact with friendly, happy and basically honest people who would do anything for you providing you rewarded them with a small tip.

 Playacar is not the slick commercial centre Cancun is, then again its some years behind development wise. So you will see some very major development work happening as it grows into a Cancun type resort.Hotel - Rui Tequila has a great location set back from the beach but with access via foot or golf buggy. Wonderful hotel with landscaped tropical grounds, organized daytime activities and evening entertainment, food, rooms, service etc were all very good, it may not be a true 5 star anymore with the newer bigger hotels appearing but certainly a very credible 4 plus. Only the very fussy of people could find any case of compliant.

Places we visited during our stay

 Tulum - Ancient Mayan coastal city which is worth seeing, also it has a wonderful scenic beach.
 XeL-Ha - Eco park which is good half day trip but still has some way to go before its as good as Xcaret.
 Xaman - Bird Aviary which is a small but nice place to spend a hour or two
 Xcaret - The premium eco park, swim in the river, laze on the beach see the animals, eat drink and learn something about the people and history, here we swam with the dolphins. This place has it all and believe me you need to give it a full 12 hr day to see it all because they round it off with a nigh time spectacular show celebrating the traditional music from the regions of Mexico.
 Isla Mujeres (Women Island) - A very small island some 11km off the coast of Cancun, the original one town island, not quite the quaint fishing village it once was but still worlds apart from the resort areas in Mexico , we took a day trip on a catamaran, wonderful white beach, easy day doing noting but drinking, relaxing & more drinking. Popular destination for backpackers, who camp on the island.

 Dominican Republic - Wonderful island, fantastic white sand beaches and warm Caribbean sea, what more can you ask for. Well to be honest nothing, its just a shame you can’t wander around doing your own tourist thing. Upon arriving at the airport its all about chilling out and relaxing, the airport formalities are still required but its the way they conducted them that made you relax then wonder why all airports can’t operate this way. The locals live a very basic life in comparison we appear millionaires with our camera and clothes, so obviously they are always trying to sell you something which makes you feel at times uneasy. Police & private security patrol the beaches and hotel zones as they are aware without the tourist dollar they lose their countries major income. We stayed at the 5 star (really 4+) Riu Bambu hotel which is part of a all inclusive 5 Riu hotel complex with about 2 miles of private beach to relax on. The hotel was fantastic, the rooms included mini bars with a set of 3 optics dispensing Vodka, Whiskey & Rum, plus a fridge for beer and mixers. The staff really know how to look after you, just remember to reward their extra dedication. As it was rainy season we had short but very sharp tropical downpours. During one of these we retreated back to our room for drinks on the patio, and were given a freshly cut coconut by the gardeners. Watching him shell it with a machete I had to check how many fingers he had before accepting it. We had live entertainment every night something the posh real 5 star hotels each side didn’t have. You were allowed to use the facilities, food, pools, bars etc of the 3 other 4+ stars hotels within this hotel zone but evening meals had to be taken at your own hotel, only the Palace guests were allowed free access to all five and judging by the numbers at our hotel each day & night they preferred the buzz of our hotel to their formal and stuffy hotels. So apart from lazing around on the white beach soaking up the sun what did we do other than shopping and having our card cloned.

 Monster Truck tour - We were driven to the capital city where we boarded our 16 wheel monster truck, and then it was off onto the tracks and trails of real Dominica to visit the villages and sugar cane plantation. First a word of warning these trucks don’t have nice comfy seats, the guide is also your bar man and he insures the beers and Cuba Libra’s keep coming, just as well as you need this form of local anaesthetic to endure the trip as you smash your way down flooded dirt tracks due to the rainy season . We first stopped at a small typical house and were invited in to experience how the locals live. It was interesting and an insight into local life but it was some what stage managed. Then it was off to visit a local school (large shed building) where the kids were having exams sitting outside on chairs. From there we drove to a river for lunch, this was the river that featured in the Rambo films and Jurassic park was filmed nearby. Once fed and refreshed it was time to cross the river to the sugar plantation, first we had to collect an armed policeman, then its when you realize sitting right at the front is the best place as the water & spray travels mostly backwards as the truck crashes through the river. The sugar plantation was a humbling experience where you see real poverty and child labour, it was heart touching but scary at the same time, seeing kids 6-10 yrs old with nothing more than the clothes they were wearing standing with machetes in their hands ready to greet you, during a break during in their 14 hour day. While here we were invited to meet the local witch doctor again it was a stage managed event, while waiting in line to meet him his hidden mobile went off leaving him scrambling around trying to silence it, some what destroying the lingering spooky atmosphere. On the journey back our truck keep breaking down, the gearbox refused forward gears as it was overheating. This was resolved by traveling backwards for short bursts then confusing the gearbox by jumping into forward gears, I glad we were one of the biggest beasts on the roads as everyone drives down the middle of the road and its a game of chicken to see whose nerve gives way first with a late swerve. 

 Day on the Cat cruising – Only minor disappointment was it was a coast hugging trip, but that was probably because the coastline features a long coral reef running parallel to the beach about half a mile out. But what a day one of the best trips of my life, on board there was a group on Canadians from Prince Edward Island about 30 of them, all taking a holiday together. Now these people welcomed you into there group like long lost friends, we had blue sea, sun, music, dancing and liquid refreshments, we also stopped to snorkel and saw sharks & rays among other fish. We tried the inflatable slide on the beach, we had lunch onboard and then cruised to a deserted cove and stopped to cool off in the sea. Here the water was chest deep about a quarter of mile from the white sandy shore, we were joined in the sea by a member of crew with a large buoy type ring which was in fact a floating bar, I’m sure I died and was in heaven for about one hour. From here it was an hour & half cruise back to the mooring. Its was a absolutely wonderful relaxing day, the boats crew were brilliant always checking if you needed anything, they kept the drink flowing and started the dancing. If I went back tomorrow this would be the first thing I would want to do again.

 Morning Deep Sea Fishing – Nelson would have been proud of the way us seadogs took everything the sea threw at us and even caught fish. We started the day at the beach meeting the group of 6. Two Brits, two Canadians & two Americans, first we were warned of the bad weather, anyone not wishing to take the trip today because of the weather and rough seas could be allocated a later date. Well we only had one other day left so it was now or never. So along with the others we all climbed into a transfer tender a long wooded boat with a 200hp outboard strapped to the back. Down the coast we went until we reached the fishing boat. Once on board we were warned again about the sea conditions, today everyone had to remain seated at all times, the crew would fetch and carry. So it was slip anchor and out we went, once the skipper found the gap in the coral reef he was looking for we were now let loose onto the high seas and were they high. 20ft high boats would disappear in the swell. Sitting was a problem let alone standing, anyway the rods went out and we were given an insight into the setting up and fishing style. The way we fished was a dead bait was surfed about 10-30 metres behind the boat lure style, the boat would then zig zag about 5 miles off the coast trying to find a shoal of waiting fish. While waiting we were offered beers, nobody at first wanted one until I stepped up and took one, then rather than lose face everyone joined in. Hil’s was given the honour of being first up in one of the chairs and it was not long before the rods went off, three fish (15 to 20 pounds) in the first main run of the morning, all Mahi-mahi, also known as dolphin, common dolphin-fish, dorado maverikos, or lampuki (in Maltese) these are surface-dwelling ray-finned fish found in off-shore tropical and subtropical waters worldwide. They are one of only two members of the Coryphaenidae family, the other being the Pompano dolphinfish. The name "mahi-mahi" ("strong-strong" in Hawaiian), particularly popular on restaurant menus, has been adopted in recent years to avoid confusing reference with real dolphins, which are mammals. Anyway after more beer more fish followed, when they came aboard they were gaffed and were flapping all over the place covering everyone in blood and stuff, also they had perch type fins which you needed to avoid as they danced around the deck. Hils and the Texan were sea sick, the other American who was ex navy was amazed on how rough it was. Anyway we returned to the tender with 11 fish so as the morning went it was a decent catch. Like almost all Dominican transport our boat broke down over heating dealing with the rough sea conditions, this meant our tender had to meet us about a mile further down the coast than expected. But it was a bonus as we got the speed boat ride thrown in for free, this thing with 200hp beating at the back skipped across the sea, a lot of people would have paid money for this white knuckle transfer to the beach. As for the catch it was strung up for photo call before being dispatched to a local hotel.

 Cannes - Well it was free long weekend staying at the 5 star Carlton Hotel. This was a raffle prize I won at work all we paid for was the air travel. What can I say other than talk about how the other half live, pure luxury and attention to detail. But for mere mortals like us everything seemed outrageously expensive, our hotel welcomed us with a bottle of free champagne and a sea view with balcony, the food was unbelievable not only the quality but choice, at breakfast there was large individual tables devoted to fresh fruits, dozens of cheeses, various breads, cakes etc and of course the international fry up, not just any old contents, quails eggs and venison sausages among other stuff. Anyway after a few days of papering we were awoken and returned to normality. Highlights were the harbor areas with the private boats, restaurants, bars and Hils resisting the shops. 
 

 Berlin - This year we spent Dave's birthday in Berlin, while there we visited the Reichstag, Brandenburg gate, Checkpoint Charlie did plenty of walking, eating & drinking also spent some time shopping. We stayed at the Excelsior and were just up the road from the zoo, we were given the penthouse suite, what a room. Our bedroom was on the 8th floor and lounge was on the roof with great views across the city, Dave preferred the view into the mini bar. Getting around Berlin could not be easier underground\overground\trams & buses, buy one 24\48\72 hour welcome card and use them as and when, even gets you from airport. Really liked how safe you felt, streets were spotless compared to our cities, people were very warm and in full Xmas spirit (mulled wine really), the Christmas markets were wonderful, I think they celebrate Xmas more than we do, chocolate shops everywhere.The bars were harder to find but the hotel did have Pernod so we were happy to drink there.If anyone fancies Berlin, I would advise taking a hat, gloves & scarf, its pretty cold in December. Flight is about 1.5 hours give or take 15 mins depending on which way the winds blowing. Would certainly recommend it as a weekend trip. 

 Cologne - Another week, another German city, this time it was Cologne (City of Spires) which was a raffle prize I bid for in the national "Save the Children" charity appeal at work. Loved the city it was a complete contrast to Berlin, this was busy with a capital "B" with all the hustle and bustle you expect to find in a big city and plenty of pub type bars. This weekend we mainly did the tourist thing visiting the cathedral which before the Eiffel tower was the highest structure in Europe. Hils had me climbing the 5 hundred odd steps to the top of one of the twin spires (Can't see why they didn't put in a lift). I'm getting too old for that sort of stuff, my legs could have been sponsored by Robertson's seeing as they turned to jelly before we reached the top. Great views from the top shame you have to face the walk down which may be easier but still wobbles the legs. Hil's then dragged me along the Rhine and around a few of the Xmas markets, then onto Lintz's chocolate museum, every girls dream, chocolate, chocolate nothing else but chocolate, and guess what we brought (chocolate) . After this I needed rehydration so it was time to take on fluids, in the shape of the local brew Kolsch lager, then more xmas markets. One of them had a ice ring constructed in the middle. Later on during the day we got into a beer museum, which was really a pub selling about 25-30 different lagers with around a dozen on tap, the rest bottled. Again one of the things we loved was it was so easy getting around with the welcome card travel pass, not only does it get you to & from the airport but also anywhere in and around a 10 miles radius of Cologne. via the trains, buses, trams & underground network. Strange sight of the weekend was about 20 Santa's on motorbikes complete with Christmas trees driving around the city centre singing out xmas songs

 Prague - Hil’s birthday treat Crowne Plaza (Castle) The hotel was situated just below the peak of Petrin hill adjacent to Prague castle which meant you had a stunning views all over the city and only a half mile stroll downhill to be among it. Downside was going back, uphill all one thousand feet of it. You can let the trams take the strain. or you could use the funicular railway which gets you close to the top. Being based a bit away from the tourist trap centre, prices around our hotel were near normal Czech ones, not the inflated tourist ones. Top tip from the taxi driver from the dozens he gave us was only buy food, drink etc a few blocks away from the attractions and then you pay sensible prices. The Czech Republic as it’s now known is making great strides in becoming a major tourist destination.When the locals say “above” they mean past, this had us looking for a tourist information office “above Mac D’s not pass it? Yes Prague has the entire collection of home favourite’s McDonalds, KFC, Starbucks, M&S, Debenhams even Tesco’s. Most of the locals within the city speak English & German very well and will genuinely help you if they can. Food wise it’s very much international cuisine, but some older locals still prefer soups & stews like goulash with dumpling or pork in any fashion (Pork knees was a new one). Christmas time they have a tradition of drinking mulled wine until all the Carp has been finished, Carp is the Czech Xmas dish instead of Turkey.

Prague is steeped in history has some lovely building and architecture, Pilsner lager, Absinthe & Marionettes. It’s also known as the city of a hundred spires with its many cathedral type churches. Personally I think it should be called city of ten thousand statues, virtually every build has then from floor level to roof tops. Now Prague castle is the place to start at. It’s like having mini versions of Tower of London, Houses of Parliament, St Pauls and Buckingham palace all housed in one big complex (when not in official use and open to the public) These were some of the places we visited during our stopover,

Prague Castle – The oldest castle in the world, The picturesque Charles Bridge with it statues and towers at each end, The Old Town Square,The Astronomical Clock which shows time as sun & moon phases,Wenceslas Square for the shopaholics with all the big names,The nearby Petřínská tower, modelled on the Eiffel Tower but much smaller,Strahov Monastery, which our hotel was originally part of & The Petřín funicular railway.